"StepMom" ain't easy!

When Ron and I made the decision to get married after 3 years of dating, we knew we were stepping into a potential landmine.  With three children of my own and his one, we had four opportunities for learning, leaning, and love. We had a lot to learn about how to be a parent once removed and it would take a lot of love (and patience and tears) to get us all through it.  Leaning, you might ask?  That would be the times we would lean on each other actually and figuratively through the times when everyone was adjusting to the new family we had created.  My stepdaughter, Mary Kate, had the hardest row to hoe.  Being an only child and having never shared her Daddy with another woman (her parents separated when she was a toddler) she was happy having her Daddy all to herself for 7 years.  Though we slowly and gently introduced our relationship to her, she was sharp enough to sense this was not just Daddy's new friend! The usual games were played in the early years - threats, tears, ultimatums.  Ron and I were savvy enough to know we had to listen, we had to be patient, and we had to be consistent in our determination to knit our two families into one.  When we married in 2003, Mary Kate was the youngest of our brood at 12 (my three were all out of the nest.)   I knew my role in Mary Kate's life was not to be her "parent".  That was her Dad and her Mom's job.  I saw my role as hopefully becoming her friend.  I knew that, like building any friendship, I had be pleasant, I had to be accomodating, and I had to be respectful.  I was lucky that Ron was a hands-on Dad who relished his time with his daughter, but also embraced his role of disciplinarian. And, though Ron and I usually saw our world eye to eye, the times my views were different, he was willing to listen, willing to discuss and willing to alter the environment when necessary.  This freed me to be what I wanted to be - pleasant, accommodating, respectful.  I've been Mary Kate's stepmom for 7 years now.  I can happily, gratefully report patience, fortitude and respect has resulted in a relationship with Mary Kate that brings me joy and friendship.  The trip getting there definitely wasn't easy, but the rewards have been well worth the journey.