What to do about Mom and Dad, part 2

For now, the email correspondence my siblings and I are undergoing concerning our parents is working.  We "reply all" and avoid sideline conversations amongst ourselves.  Hopefully we can keep the civil, open discourse going throughout this process.  That in itself will be a major goal!  Too often, especially with multiple voices in the mix, the squabbles begin, the process breaks down, everybody loses.  Keeping our egos and our unresolved personal issues out of the equation will be paramount.  If each of us can keep the goal "What's Best For Mom and Dad" front and center, we stand a good chance of riding this storm keeping out family relationships intact and, hopefully, unscathed.  Multiple personalities, multiple viewpoints will be involved.  Being able to accept this reality and work though our differences is crucial.  One important first lesson I've learned from Jane Gross's book, A Bittersweet Season, is the value of enlisting early on a Geriatric Care Manager to be the trained, objective outsider to steer the course.  These professionals (members of the National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers) have various backgrounds - nursing, social work, gerontology - and must have expertise in aging issues.   They are the cool, clear head to assess, interact, intervene.  Their services are particularly valuable in situations where children of elders don't live nearby and are unable to provide care and attention.  Paid by the hour, their services are not cheap but are invaluable. They can provide as little or as much assistance as needed (including family therapy if needed to resolve issues mucking up the process.)   Look at it as money spent upfront to save money (and sanity) spent along the way.  I won't go into all the many ways a GCM can assist during an elder's final years.   Suffice it to say, whatever can go wrong can possibly be avoided with their assistance. Whether or not our family chooses to access these services, knowing their expertise is available is comforting.  If nothing else, their services are available to me should I decide I need support or information.  There's no right or wrong way to go through this process.  Every family situation is different, financially, emotionally, structurally.  A Geriatric Care Manager is one tool in the elder care tool box.