What's a "5"?

Clients often come to therapy to talk about a difficult decision they are trying to make.  Often their choices seem impossible causing them great anguish.  It might be whether or not to get a divorce, or whether or not to leave an abusive relationship; whether or not to talk to a friend or work associate about a difficult topic or whether or not to change jobs. To help them make a decision less overwhelming, we talk about what they CAN do.  The conversation might go something like this:  "If filing for a divorce is a "10" and not filing for a divorce is a "1", what would a "5" be?  Every "5" is unique to the individual.  In the examples above, it might be getting couples counseling, or asking for a separation, or simply talking with their spouse about the difficulties they are experiencing in the relationship; building a safety plan; writing a letter to the friend or work associate about their difficulties; exploring job options.  The goal is to empower the client to DO SOMETHING.  As they begin to see that there are small, doable steps in the process and that each step can lead to another doable step, another "5", the large overwhelming decision becomes a series of manageable ones.  So, if you ever find yourself in a situation where a decision seems impossible, ask yourself the question, "what's a 5?"